Beauty versus Personality.
“He looks like a toad,” Said the girl.
“Who knows if he is the prince waiting to be kissed?” Another one said before walking up to him.
A world with billions of different people having different viewpoints, some will be enamored by looks while others will look deeper and look beyond. Some people are too obsessed with the idea of beauty, and it’s standard parameters. Then there are others who just won’t care. It makes one wonder do looks matter in a relationship at all. There is no conclusive answer to this question. Look at it this way, if looks were that important then people having beautiful spouses would stay forever happily married, but it does not happen. It tells us that probably looks do matter but they are not paramount. If you are looking for a serious, and fulfilling long-term relationship only looks will never make a cut. Look at it this way who would want a partner who is dim-witted and unable to hold an interesting conversation? A relationship is not all about sex, after all, it would only contribute to, at the max a couple of hours of your day. The remaining part of your day will be about companionship, interests, mutual understanding, support, and social and personal goals. A partner who fails to understand your aspirations will eventually drift away. Moreover, one can augment average looks with proper grooming, enthusiasm, sense of humor and an amicable personality. Who would want to spend time with an eternally irritated and bored Narcissus?
Does this mean that looks do not matter at all? No, not even remotely. Looks matter but not as much as the poets and lyricists would have you believe. It is more like a wheel of the car without which the car won’t function but that alone also is of no use as well. One can safely conclude that for a relationship one needs the whole package of a charming personality inclusive of good looks, not exclusive. Keep in mind that looks can always be improved. Not everyone can be an Adonis or a Venus, but everyone can strive to be best presented, and most of the time it is enough to do the trick. Read: Why We Get Stuck in Unhappy Relationships: 6 Common Reasons
Alan Alda the famous actor, director, screenwriter, and an author in his autobiography describes his experience of observing an actress play the role of an ugly woman. Alda thought her to be perfect for the part as she was ugly, with thick fingers, invisible neck, and big nose. He was stunned to see her transform into a beautiful woman without any change in her styling and makeup in the last act. The secret was in how she held herself, or the way she looked at the world and her confidence. It is essential for us to take care of ourselves and try to look our personal best. Commonly people don’t seek epitomes of beauties as companions. Attraction is combined with the world physical, but it is not all physical after all. There are a few things that can enhance external appearance considerably.
Factors that affect external appearance.
Attitude with a capital A can either make you look desirable or despicable. Your overall demeanor affects your looks considerably. How you carry yourself in public? Whether you stand tall or you hunch your back? Can you smile or you wear a perennial scowl? Are you taking the burden of the world on your slump shoulders or are you a cheerful and a light-hearted person? All of this will sway the perception of the onlookers towards you. A bright and a warm smile can make anyone look enticing. Believe in yourself. It is impossible to engage others in yourself if you don’t believe in yourself. Check: What attracts women the most, the SECRETS
Self-assurance and grooming.
Often it is not about your looks but about how you look at yourself. If you feel unhappy and conscious about your image in the mirror, the onlookers will be iffy about you too. No one is perfect; everyone has some great and some not so great features. Learn to flaunt the positives and downplay the negatives. It will help you feel more assured about your looks. It is a great disservice to yourself if you don’t work on your looks and fitness. Grooming helps in enhancing appearance considerably. Interesting read: First Date Signs He Likes You and will be yours
Why this stress on external beauty?
People get an instant and temporary admiration because of looks, and that makes them happy. Wanting more of what makes you happy is natural, be fame, money power, or beauty. It is common saying one can never be too beautiful or too rich. There is nothing wrong in focusing on yourself but then comes the point where the focus tends to make you shallow. You become too self-obsessed it is this point where you will not be admired anymore, but people will either ignore you or detest you because you don’t have anything to offer but your beauty. When you become anxious about your looks, you emit anxiety and negativity instead of warmth and charm from your appearance. Being content with your life, in general, is essential. Unless you indulge in personality enriching exercises like reading, traveling, sports or any other thing that shifts your focus from yourself to others you won’t be of much benefit to people around you not even to your partner. A self-obsessed person can anyway not have a long-lasting relationship. Looks can only go so far. Must See: The Casual Relationship
We can be reasonably sure that while looks are significant in a relationship but they are not the most important thing, especially in a long-term relationship. Beauty changes and fades with time, if a relationship is based solely on how appealing your partner looks it is bound to be temporary. Beauty is also in the eyes of the beholder so what may look attractive to one might not be conducive to other. Seeking someone else’s admiration, to validate yourself will only cause anxiety and unnecessary stress to you. It is an intelligent idea to invest in you as a human being, more than spending lot of your time and money into looking great. It does not mean you should not try to appear your personal best nor does it say that you should not seek inspiration from your favorite celebrity. It only means to enhance our self externally as well as internally. You, as a person, matter more than you, as a body. Looks matter in a relationship, but looks alone do make a relationship.